Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
