My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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