shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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