Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dignity is for republicans.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
