I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
