would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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