my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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