Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
