i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Operation Purity has been aborted
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize