legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
