"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i've created a new STD.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
