dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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