it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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