Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did I show you my penis last night?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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