definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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