I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
