its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
