Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize