We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
