well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am naked and annoyed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
