............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
