I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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