Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
