we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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