when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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