Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
