There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
