Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
