watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
