am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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