why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
