Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
