I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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