Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
