Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize