i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
