More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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