I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
