Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
