The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
