So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
