she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
