tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nutella sex= disaster
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Less talking, more tequila
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
