i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
