dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have fence marks all over my body
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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