i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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