wanna go halves on a baby?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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