I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
