just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
