OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
