i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
