he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
