Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize