She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
