your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
