You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
