I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
