I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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