I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
