Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
