remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
