You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
