It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We named our party play list daddy issues
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
