Apparently you make a good broom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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