The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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