I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize