hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
