guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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