Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
