And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
