My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
