I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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