idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
