His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize