I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Boobs speak an international language.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
