the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Terrible idea I love it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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