just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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