2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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