It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
