hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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