it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
