It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
