Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
