why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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