Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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