Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
