i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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