He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
