i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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