dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
