I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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