This girl is more easily done than said...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
