the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
