Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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