then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
