What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
and you fell through a lawn chair
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
